Just a Bit of Silliness, Really
by Last Auditore
Summary: This is a collection of oneshots of a rather silly nature. Rating for all of them will be T just to be safe for language and possible innuendos. So far all oneshots are AC2 based. My personal amusement, that you get to tag along with. Might be adapting idea from Polink123. Thanks for waiting.
1. Oneshot 1: The Night is Young Yet

Author's note: Again, written at work during downtime. A friend gave me this thought when we were playing the most recent time. I thought that I would run with the idea while I had it, because it made me laugh. The more I write these spoofs the more I get to thinking that Mario is the only sane one.

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><p>The Night is Young Yet<p>

Vieri de' Pazzi had overstepped his bounds by moving out to Tuscany, and over the span of the last couple years he had used his power to create an iron grip that had destroyed much of their way of life. But now the time had come.

Mario's eyes scanned the walls of the city before them, before he turned to face his men. Some of them had been stationed in Tuscany, but had been driven back when Vieri showed up. They were ready for revenge. The majority were from Monteriggioni, where they had been raised serving with Mario. "The time is now, signori. It's finally time to reclaim the city, and drive the Pazzi vermin out. Abbasso i traditori. Abbasso i Pazzi!" A treacherous cheer went through the men, sounding like a roar. Mario waved his hand to quiet them down. "Our months of planning have come down to tonight. We're going to reclaim the city. Reclaim our rights, and our power. Our very way of life." Another shorter cheer went through the men. Mario nodded, lowering his voice slightly. "Tonight the sun sets the final time on Tuscany, and it'll rise tomorrow on a free city."

A few men shifted, glancing to Mario's right. He looked, curious as to the distraction. His nephew walked over. The same nephew that had been reluctant to help. The one determined to flee to Spain in hopes that he could better protect what remained of his family. "Ezio." Mario greeted, welcoming his nephew in a half hug, giving him a firm pat on the shoulder. "What are you doing here? I thought that you weren't going to be helping us tonight. What happened to your preparations for Spain?"

Ezio shrugged nonchalantly, walking casually into the group. "I think that right now you need me more, Zio. Vieri troubles you because of my presence here."

Mario shook his head, patting his nephew on the shoulder again with a laugh. "No, Vieri troubles us because he's a templar, and we are assassins."

"Either way, I'll help you take care of him. This one is personal." Ezio explained, and Mario nodded. He knew how that worked. Sometimes things crossed that line, but he knew it was best to put any past feelings and bitterness behind and focus on the main objective. He only hoped Ezio learned it soon enough. It wasn't a lesson that could be taught.

"That's fine. We were just discussing plans for how this is going to be done. The sun is going down, and so now is the time to strike."

One of the mercenari nodded, resting his hands on the ax he wielded. "Just tell my men when and where. We won't let you down. This cazzo has been strangling our resources. Some of the merchants won't even sell to us anymore. What we need is to open one of the gates. Otherwise they'll crush us before we can even get to the bastardo."

Mario nodded. "What they have in numbers we'll beat in skill. Nipote, we'll need you to open the gate, so that our forces can even get in there. We'll strike the south gate. It's the one least guarded." He glanced at Ezio. "Can we count on you?"

"Actually Uncle, if you could just wait a few hours, there are a couple things that I needed to take care of first. You see I've been here before, and I decided to stir a few things up. Some of the guards didn't appreciate my ventures, and so I'm, shall we say… well known. I wanted to take care of that so that they wouldn't be as alerted to me. Then there was this woman. She thinks that her husband is being unfaithful. I was going to just rough him up a little, and then see if there was any other way that I could soothe her troubled heart. But after that, I'll be here to help." He turned, starting to run up towards the city.

"What?" Mario stammered, before turning after Ezio. "Nipote, we have to act now. You can't just run off. We need you."

"It won't take long. I'll be back."

Mario was still trying to regain from his shock. "We don't have a few hours for you to woo some married woman, and tear down wanted posters!"

Ezio shrugged, "Just hold up for a moment." He then turned, going back towards the city.

"You've… you've got to be joking. During the middle of a mission. What about the Pazzi?" Mario threw his hands up, looking over at the leader of the mercenari who seemed to be hiding a laugh as he shrugged.

"I think that the kid has the right idea. Where's our women to seduce?"

A few chuckles went through the group. "I'd rather be there too." One of them chimed.

The mercenario next to him scoffed a laugh. "The only woman that you could find would be there because of coin."

The leader of the mercenari glanced over his shoulder, smirking before he stood up. "We can just go without him. You had the plan right?"

"Actually, I was counting on him following us here. I thought that he'd be the one. Unless one of your men can clear that." He pointed to the lowest point on the wall."

A few of them laughed. "We're soldiers, not monkeys."

Mario looked discouraged. "I could probably do it. But that means that I won't be there to lead the first wave of soldiers."

"We can wait a little while, but three hours seems a little excessive. Come find us when he shows up, va bene?"

Mario looked baffled. "What about Tuscany?" he asked, the crowd already beginning to disperse.

"We don't need it so badly. Monteriggioni is very welcoming. We'll get used to it there."

The leader waited, looking up at the city walls, and then back to Mario. "Vieri will still be here tomorrow if Ezio's not back in time. I'll be patrolling with my men further south. Send word when it's time." He stood up, propping the ax on his shoulder before he turned, following after his men, leaving just Mario standing there.

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><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked at Dictionary(.com).)<p>

Abbasso i traditori. Abbasso i Pazzi! – Down with the traitors. Down with the Pazzi!

bastardo - bastard

cazzo - prick

mercenari - mercenary

Nipote – Nephew

Va bene - Okay

Zio – Uncle


	2. Oneshot 2: The Importance of Appearances

Author's note: Just a little something that I whipped up while I was at work…. Italian dictionary at the bottom. I've actually done this while playing the game. Like seriously. A lot of my spoof stories are going to be silly things that I've done in the games. Sono un perdente, lo so. This one is based solely on AC2, about midway through. (With a foreshadowing to the AC Brotherhood book, if anyone catches it.) Pointless silliness that's not all that silly. Enjoy.

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><p>The Importance of Appearances<p>

Mario walked after Ezio, following him out of town. "With the Pazzi dealt with, Firenze is safe once more."

"The Pazzi are not the only problem, Uncle. They were just one branch of a much larger conspiracy. And I'm not going to let my father's killers just disappear so quickly. I'm going to go to Venezia. I believe that the templars have ties there as well."

Mario nodded, going to the door of the stables as Ezio walked inside. "Così sia. I'll look after things here, keep an eye out for Pazzi supporters, although I doubt that there will be many. Il Magnifico was merciless to their family."

Ezio had heard of the extent that things had gone. "He was. But it'll show as an example." He slid his foot into the stirrup of the closest horse, before hoisting himself into the saddle. "Leonardo has been commissioned to paint in Venezia, and I think I'll accompany him to see what it is that I can find." He nudged the horse forward. The frosted blue appaloosa snorted, slowly trudging past Mario.

"Nipote, where do you think that you're going?"

"I…. already told you Uncle. Venezia." Ezio said, confused.

"Not on my horse. There are plenty here, take a different one."

Ezio paused, hopping off, and walking around to examine the others. His uncle watched from where he was, guiding his horse back into the stables all the while. There was a bay; a dun; a flaxen chestnut that Ezio had brought back from Tuscany; a cream colored cremello; and a black horse with white stockings, blaze, mane and tail. Ezio climbed into the saddle of the bay, circling the horse, and trotting back over to the stables. "Keep Leonardo out of trouble while you're over there. From what I hear that boy has a knack for trouble."

"Oh mio. E 'ridicolo. He should stick to his inventions, and paintings. Can you imagine him trying to be one of us?" Ezio laughed. Leonardo was a good friend, as he had been for years.

Mario chuckled. "Che spettacolo che avrebbe fatto."

Ezio dropped off the bay too, the horse trotting away to graze. "Hopefully his new assistant will keep him out of trouble. But to be honest, Zio, I don't trust him."

"You don't even know him."

"I don't have to. I think it's a little too convenient. Leonardo's got ties to the Auditore, and then his new assistant is interested in those ties?"

Mario nodded, understanding what his nephew meant. "Spoken like a true Auditore. I remember when you first got here, and you wanted nothing to do with your heritage." Mario paused, watching Ezio walk the dun around for a while before going to the cremello. "Nipote, what was wrong with that horse?"

Ezio froze, looking guilty as he left the cremello and approached the last one. "I just didn't want that cavallo stupido." He waited a moment before nodding, as if that cemented it, and he pulled himself up into the saddle of the black and white one. He trotted back to his uncle. "I like this one."

Mario crossed his arms. "And why's that?"

"Well, it's good dramatic effect. I decided on a whim to dye my clothes black yesterday, so that the metal armor would stand out more. This horse contrasts the armor, and makes me look like an assassin. You know, intimidating. It's all about the overall general effect. I want them to know that I've come, and that I'm there for them. There will be no running."

Mario sighed, shaking his fist in agitation. "Devi essere scherzando. Che cosa è il mondo vengono a?"

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><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked at Dictionary(.com))<p>

cavallo stupido – Stupid horse

Che spettacolo che avrebbe fatto. – What a sight that would make.

Così sia – So be it.

Devi essere scherzando. Che cosa è il mondo vengono a? – You must be joking. What is the world coming to?

Nipote – Nephew

Oh mio. E 'ridicolo. – Oh my. It's ridiculous.

Zio - Uncle


	3. Oneshot 3: With Allies Like These

Author's note: Another random one. Not as funny as my other two or at least, I don't think so. Wrote it while I was on my cruise, and then finished it at work. It was something that I was thinking about one of the more recent times that I was playing. I had more ideas that I don't quite remember which is unfortunate. Please read it. Review if you like it. Just don't expect too much from this one. As always Italian to English translation at the bottom. Some triple checking was required.

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><p>With Allies Like These<p>

He looked around to the group that he had hired. They seemed more than able to do what he needed. After all, they were going to mainly serve as a distraction. "Did Ugo tell you why I was going to be coming?" Ezio asked, looking at all of them respectively. One of them shrugged, flipping the coin that he had given them through the air. The others glanced between themselves.

"He didn't exactly give us an explanation. Just said to keep an eye out for you, because you were going to need our help on a job," said the leader, who the others called Alfonso, as he crossed his arms. "I guess you shouldn't judge a man by his looks, but at the same time I don't see how you're anything special, or why they're making such a fuss over you. As far as I'm concerned respect and command should be something that you earn. Not something handed to you."

Ezio sighed. "You're one to talk about things earned, since you take everything." Alfonso started forward but one of the others caught his arm. "I don't ask for your respect. Just your help with this task. You can think what you like. Ugo said that a shipment of supplies came in today. All I need is for you and your men to distract the guards on duty. I can take care of the rest myself." The others nodded getting up. "Just make sure that you keep up," Ezio said a certain amount of cockiness to his tone.

"Io non sono l'outsider. I know these rooftops better than you ever will." Alfonso growled, only to have one of his men give a warning pull on his arm.

"He saved your brother's life you know. He would have been killed by now otherwise," the thief whispered, trying to calm Alfonso.

He took a breath to relax, but Ezio could see that he was still upset about something. "Lead the way, Assassin. And don't worry about us keeping up with you."

Ezio nodded. If that was how he wanted it he wasn't about to argue. He walked over to the edge of the building and looked down over the ledge. The rooftops were a bit further spaced out than the ones in Firenze, but he had years of practice now. "Keep close." He muttered, before he leapt off, pushing himself from the roof. The others took off after him, landing on the roof just as easily as he had. Ezio continued. He knew that he didn't need to worry about them, after all they had probably been on the roofs more than he had. Running along a ridgepole Ezio came to the edge of another building, throwing himself off. It was a larger gap this time, and he had to catch onto the edge of the rooftop before pulling himself up.

So far there were no archers in sight which was good for them. It meant an easier trip. He waited for the others to clear the gap. From the information that Ugo had given him the uniforms that they needed were just a little further north. He only hoped that the location had not been changed. He worked on moving silently to the place, keeping an eye out for any unwanted visitors. When he reached the area that Ugo had told him about he eased his way off of the roof, dropping silently onto a balcony. He had a much better view of the area. Down below he could see several guards stationed to guard a rather large chest. Most of them were looking extremely bored. "Laggiù." Ezio whispered as he pointed at the guards on duty. "Give them something to think about."

The thieves dropped down, running to the stationed guards. They shoved at them before snatching the purse hanging off the belt of the lead guard and bolting away, scattering through the streets. The soldiers took to pursuit almost instantly. "All too easy," Ezio muttered to himself before he dropped down to the street. The soldiers were nowhere in sight but he could tell that they weren't that far away. He could still hear their yells of cazzo, pezzo di merda, and tornate qui, which was proof enough that the thieves were doing their job, leaving him with time to do his.

He walked up to the chest, picking the lock and flipping it open before pulling out the uniforms inside. Everything was almost ready. They just had two more stops. He let out a whistle, stowing the clothes and running down a street to get out of there. A couple moments later the thieves came back to him, soldiers nowhere to be seen. "Worked like a charm," one said rather proudly.

Ezio nodded. "Bene. We still have two more stops. Let's be quick about this." He turned, heading up one of the canals. At first he could sidle along the edge of the one of the buildings, but after a little while there were no handholds, so he shoved off the wall, grabbing onto one of the poles that you would tether a boat to. He pulled himself up, taking a moment to balance on it, before he leapt to the next, carefully hopping down the canal. The thieves were following as best they could when Alfonso's foot slipped. He fell, landing in the water with a splash.

Ezio turned to look at them. "What happened?" Alfonso was nowhere to be seen.

"Alfonso fell in the water."

"Well, where is he?" Ezio asked, looking down at the dark channel.

The thieves waited, not saying anything at first before they finally answered. "I don't think that he could swim."

"None of us can." A second one said, practically clinging to the tether pole.

Ezio paused. "Wait, so you live in the city of water, but none of you can swim?"

"He might still be alive," one chimed.

"Yeah, that's right. No one ever really taught us. It wasn't a useful skill to have."

"In Venezia? Not a useful skill?" Ezio asked, as if they were stupid. "I was raised in Firenze, and I know how to swim."

"Then can't you go in after him?" the same one asked.

"No I can't." Ezio explained. "I told Ugo that I would be back to the rendezvous point before nightfall. That way we can be ready for tonight. We'd never make it in time."

"Could you at least try to get him back?"

Ezio was a little surprised by the man's persistence. "You seem awfully concerned."

The thief half shrugged. "He owes me money still, and he was the one that took the guard's coin pouch."

"Do without it. Now can we go?"

There was a definite pause before a different one of the thieves spoke. "You're heartless, aren't you?"

"I'm an assassin." Ezio stated simply.

"It was a lot of money." The first one muttered, mournfully looking to the water.

"Are you honestly not going to do anything? You could probably still save him." A different one said.

"No. I told you from the start not to fall behind." The three remaining thieves cast nervous glances at each other. "Now let's go. We've got a deadline."

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><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked at Dictionary(.com))<p>

cazzo – prick

Io non sono l'outsider. – I'm not the outsider.

Laggiù – There. /Over there.

pezzo di merda – piece of… (Come on guys. You played the game. You should know this one.)

tornate qui. – come back here.


	4. Oneshot 4: A Pocket Full of ?

Author's note: Hello again. I really need to stop this. Okay. If I could do this in the game I would be good as gold. Not that I haven't managed before, but hey, it would sure come in handy. Seems like these things just keep getting longer if you check them in the order that I actually wrote them in. Le sigh. (Oops. That's French, not Italian.) Well, happy reading. Please review. Thank you.

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><p>A Pocket Full of…?<p>

The knock at his door sounded earlier than he had intended to get up. Bernardo reached over, pulling back the curtains a bit to let a little light shine in. The sky still had the touch of grey except for a few clouds turning pink with the first morning's light. Someone was bothering him at dawn. Much too early in his opinion. Praying that they would just leave he rolled over, grumbling in his sleep. There was another abrupt knock and he sighed. He slid out of bed, groggily straightening out his hair on the way to the door. He still had a headache from the other day, and all he wanted to do was sleep it off. There was another series of knocks and with each one it felt as though his head was going to explode.

He made his way out of the bedroom and into the main hall where his kitchen was, and where he kept his birds. Bernardo was a falconer, and he'd been doing it for years. Sometimes people would want to get started, but couldn't seem to train them, and that's when he was brought into the picture. The nobles thought it was good sport, enjoying it like falconry was an activity that one would bring along on a picnic, but to him it was a way of life.

"Yes, yes! I'm coming. Aspetta un momento." He yelled, all the while slowly making his way to the door. One of the falcons in the cage by the window let out a call. "Quiet Carlo." He muttered, finally getting to the door. "Who is it?" he asked.

"Aprire la porta." He heard a muffled voice from the other side. "I have a question for you."

Somewhat reluctantly he opened it, only cracking it ever so slightly. "What can I help you with, Messer…?" He let his voice trail off, and he waved his hand, waiting for the man outside the door to fill in the rest.

"Auditore." That name stuck a cord, and Bernardo paused. Something in him told him to run. Something was familiar about that name. He swallowed, trying to get past the grogginess, and figure out what that name meant.

"And what's your question, Messer Auditore?" Bernardo asked, keeping his voice low, as he tried to remember why that name sounded so familiar.

"I'm told that you're quite the falconer."

"What, is that a crime?" Bernardo paused. That hood… that face…. Auditore, the noble family that had been executed, and their last son that had enacted revenge on Uberto. His eyes opened wide in realization.

"No, I was just wondering, anywhere with your collection of birds I was hoping that you might have—" The door was slammed in Ezio's face.

"I'm only a falconer!" he heard the man yell from inside. "Guards help me!" Ezio looked around. Aside from a couple merchants walking by the streets were empty. "All right! I admit it! I had tea with the Pazzi. Tea! I don't even like tea. It wasn't even good tea. But please, I had no idea what they were planning."

"Open the door. I'm not going to harm you. I just want to ask a few questions."

It seemed reluctant, but the door cracked open again, Bernardo looking just as miserable as before. "I'm not going to train a bird for you."

"That's not what I was asking."

The other shrugged. "I just wanted to cover that. Get on with it, what do you want to know?"

Ezio nodded, his expression quite serious. "I was wondering in your collection of birds, did you happen to have an eagle?"

Bernardo looked confused. "An eagle? What in the heavens for?"

Ezio sighed. He really didn't have time for this. "I don't think that it really matters. Just know that I need them, and that you're due to help me."

"And why's that?"

Ezio didn't like the tone that this man had started to take. "Because I know about you tea with the Pazzi." Ezio brought his arm forward, looking down to the bracer. He glanced back to the man before he looked back to the bracer. Ezio released the trigger to the hidden blade, knowing that Bernardo was looking at it as well. He then slowly lifted his head, leveling a glare.

Bernardo had turned very pale almost instantly. "What ever you need to know. I had no idea. None. Lo giuro sulla tomba di mia madre. An eagle. Um… no. I don't have any eagle, why? No eagles. A couple falcons, a hawk. But never an eagle."

"Va bene." Ezio turned, leaving Bernardo standing there, baffled by the strange request. He still needed the eagle, but if even a falconer didn't have one he was going to have to go looking elsewhere. Sighing he started down the street, trying to think of where else he could find an eagle. A loud melodious call went through the air, and Ezio stopped, slowly turning to look to the top of a tower where one of the majestic birds perched.

.oOo.

"Nipote! What happened to you?" Mario asked, taken aback by his nephew's appearance. Ezio looked rather disheveled. He had put his hood down, and he had fluffy under layer feathers stuck in his hair along with bits of hay. He had a couple scratched on his arms and face.

Ezio entered, walking past him, heading towards the stairs. "I had a disagreement." He answered simply.

"With what?" Mario followed him part way up the stairs.

"An eagle. Mother is only going to get better if I get her eagle feathers, so I decided to speed up the process because I haven't found enough yet."

"And?"

Ezio grinned holding up a bundle of feathers.

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><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked at Dictionary(.com))<p>

Aprire la porta. – Open the door.

Aspetta un momento. – Wait a minute.

Lo giuro sulla tomba di mia madre. – I swear on my mother's grave.

Nipote - Nephew

Va bene. – Okay.


	5. Oneshot 5: Now You See Me

Author's note: This is bad… somebody should stop me. It's too late… I'm making Cake Boss references. If anyone catches it then that's almost as bad as the fact that I put it in there to begin with. Technicalities. Anyway, short bit that's just a little random. Even more random than most of mine, and that says something. Please review if you enjoyed. Thanks to all my supporters. I hope that you like this one as much as you enjoyed the others.

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><p>Now You See Me<p>

He was waiting on a bench, watching as his prey strolled past him. To his left was an older nobleman, giving his feet a rest, and to his right was a young lady that seemed to be waiting for someone. He was in the middle. It made him look unassuming, and all the while dozens of people strode past, unaware of his true intentions. He was like a cheetah, sitting in the Serengeti, waiting for the chance to arise so that he could slip by undetected.

The most recent patrol of soldiers marched by, sticking in a tight formation. He drummed his fingers on his other hand, letting them go past. In a few moments they would clear his line of sight, and then he would be free to move. Ezio began scouting out his possibilities. There was a lady with her children, a few monks, and a group of performers. So far nothing too promising. He glanced the other way, and was satisfied to see a nobleman walking with a couple friends. "Perfetto." Ezio whispered.

The nobleman was a little ways up the street but luckily for Ezio he would be back before the guards came by a second time. The man was walking with a couple of his friends and laughing. Ezio slipped out off of the bench, slowly making his way towards the man. He paused, waiting for a moment before pushing through a crowd of four monks on his way over to the man. Everything was going according to plan. The man didn't suspect a thing. Making his way right over to him he pushed past, and cut his coin pouch as he went, catching the falling coins in his other hand. Ezio quickly tucked them away, ignoring the strange looks he got from people in the crowd when he proceeded to jump into a wagon piled high with hay. It was easy to hide in there. He'd done it ever since he was a kid.

A few of the coins that were left in the man's pouch fell, clattering onto the ground before he looked down in alarm. "My purse has been cut." He muttered, pulling what was left off his belt, and looking around. "Where is he? Where is that figlio di una cagna?" A crowd gathered around him, a few of them darting after the coins on the ground before they slowly dispersed, leaving the man standing there.

'Now should have been long enough.' Ezio thought as he casually slipped out of the wagon on the opposite side. He picked some pieces of hay out of his hair, and dusted off the rest of his clothes. The man spotted him and immediately stormed over.

"What's your problem? Eh?" the man yelled before shoving Ezio back. "What? You think that just because you dove into a haystack that I do not notice you coming out a minute later? You think I can not tell?"

Ezio put his hands up in his defense. "Mi dispiace, signore. I don't know what you mean. You must have me confused with someone else."

The man shook his head. "No. No, I don't think I do. You're Ezio Auditore, and you stole from me. Now give me my money, or I'll have the guards on you."

"What's a few fiorini?" he asked with a shrug, but the man didn't budge.

"A few fiorini." He answered without a hint of amusement.

Ezio paused. Maybe he could get what he wanted a different way. "My mother is catatonic." He said slowly.

The man crossed his arms, not buying the excuses. "And my wife hates me." He retorted, waving his hand at Ezio. "You think that you have it hard? You saw your father and brothers killed as traitors and you think that you have it hard. My brother's wife ran away with the servant boy that helped raise their children, so he's come to visit me. My wife has confessed to hating me, and says that she only went along with our arranged marriage because she thought that she was getting my brother. The same brother that's come to visit. I found them in my bedroom together when I got back from my banking job. La mia stanza. My daughter is distraught and crying because the same servant boy that ran away with the wife of that bastardo brother of mine is the same one that promised his love to her, and said that they could run away together, all so that he could steal away her virtù and you think that you have problems? Huh?" The man was turning a little red in the face, and he had to pause a moment to catch his breath. "And business is not going well. With how Lorenzo Medici is disgracing the Pazzi I won't have a job for much longer. Because I work for the Pazzi. I'm one of their bankers. Who knows how long that's going to last. And on top of all that, you're going to steal from me?" At the end of the speech he held out his hand. "Fourteen fiorini."

"It was twelve." Ezio clarified, quickly wishing that he hadn't.

"Fourteen." Ezio knew better than to argue this time around, and he dropped the money back into the man's outstretched hand. The man shoved it into a pocket, before starting to walk away. "As if jumping in a haystack makes you invisible. Inutile idiota. You're lucky I didn't call the guards."

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><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked on my favorite translator website.)<p>

bastardo - bastard

figlio di una cagna – son of a bitch.

fiorini - florins

Inutile idiota. – Useless idiot.

La mia stanza. – My room.

Mi dispiace, signore. – I'm sorry, sir.

Perfetto. - Perfect.

virtù - virtue


	6. Oneshot 6: He Knows Me

Author's note: Did you know that Pazzi means crazy in Italian? It's okay. I didn't really know either. That was a problem since I wanted to use it for one of my Italian lines in this one. It's okay though. I modified that. Here's the newest one (I can honestly say that now. I've finally caught up to myself. The first three were written in two days.) If I were Ezio this would make me wonder.

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><p>He Knows Me<p>

Ezio had done his best to avoid the sight of the guards thus far. He'd forgotten how tight of a grip the Pazzi had on the city and now with Vieri dead, and Jacobo being extremely cautious the guards weren't going to let him just walk through the city. Especially not since Ezio had already claimed another two of the Pazzi's coconspirators. He slowly came up on the courtyard to a large church. "This is it," he muttered, before blending in with a crowd of noblemen.

Mario had said that one of his contacts was in this cortile. His eyes scanned the area. He didn't have to look far. Standing at the base of a church was one of the leaders of the mercenaries that often worked with Mario. Ezio started forward, carefully pushing past one of the nobles. He strode into the open area of the courtyard, heading straight for his contact when a group of guards marched past him.

"That's a strange get-up." One of them whispered. The group paused and a couple of the other guards looked warily at Ezio. "Where do you think he's from?"

The captain of the guard started towards Ezio. He tried to walk faster, but that only seemed to raise the guard's alarm. It was too late to try to blend into a crowd. "That's him! On him!" the leader yelled and instantly Ezio broke into a run, the guards already in heavy pursuit. Ezio ran past the church, turning down one of the back alleyways.

He shoved past a couple people, almost knocking a monk over. "Pardona me," he called after him. A group of soldiers ahead of Ezio seemed to notice the commotion, and drew their weapons. They panned out, blocking off the street. Lesser men would have simply turned and avoided the blockade. He was not such a man. Charging straight for the guard of the end he blazed forward. The guard seemed a little unsure and cast a glance at his superior as if to ask if he had to pursue this course of action. Ezio guessed that he must have been a newer recruit. Getting a reassuring nod the soldier held his ground ready to lunge. Ezio turned just a little, running up the side of a wall a little ways, before flipping over the guards. He landed on his feet and ran on, practically skidding around the next corner. The newer guard stood there in awe and shock for a moment.

"Don't just stand there. Cattura il traditore." The leader barked, and they all took off after him. It wasn't long before they had nearly caught up to Ezio. He needed to switch up his strategy. He jumped up onto some crates that were littering the street before he launched himself up to one of the balconies higher up. He turned, scaling the building, and darting across a clothing line that was strung between the two buildings.

"That's who we're up against?" the new one asked the guard next to him, who half shrugged.

"Ci si abitua ad esso."

Ezio dropped out of sight, and the guards yelled in frustration, some running to circle around the building, and a few brave souls chasing after him directly by trying to follow the path that he had just taken.

Ezio circled back, and dropped down from the rooftops into the courtyard of the church. Breathing a sigh of relief he made his way over to the mercenary who looked at Ezio and crossed his arms. "You weren't followed I hope."

He shook his head no, before looking around. In the distance he could hear someone shouting. "What have you found?"

"I'm sure that you can hear it. Antonio Maffei is up there on the highest tower."

He was cut off when one of the guards turned the corner. "There you are." The guard growled, drawing his weapons, and waving to the others.

Ezio's finger brushed the trigger to the hidden blade. "I think that we can handle them." He whispered to the other just as another eight soldiers came from around that corner, and four circled in from the other side, weapons ready.

"What are you talking about, idiota? I don't know you." The mercenary said without hesitation.

Ezio looked at him baffled. "What do you mean, Carlo? We're barely outnumbered." The dozen surrounding them was slowly growing.

"Shut up." The mercenary hissed.

One of the soldiers directed his attention to Carlo. "Are you an ally to this traitor?"

Carlo shrugged, "I've never seen him before in my life."

"He called you by name." one pointed out.

"My name isn't even Carlo. It's Antonio. I'm cousin to the Pazzi. Salvami da questo pazzo." In an instant he turned, pretending that he was terrified of Ezio. "He's found me."

"But-"

"I have one thousand fiorini the man that catches that assassino." Carlo yelled, shoving Ezio forward.

"Devi essere scherzando." Ezio muttered, before he broke into a run again, breaking out of the circle, and running away. Carlo laughed as the guards took off after him just as eager as before. He sat down on the steps, enjoying the nice day, and listening to Antonio Maffei preaching from the rooftops. Several minutes later Ezio rounded the corner a second time, huffing and trying to catch his breath. "How could you turn on me like that? Un migliaio di fiorini." Ezio ranted, before he sat down in a huff.

Carlo looked more than amused. "You should learn to handle your problems on your own. Besides, you shouldn't have ever even looked at me when they're chasing you. I'm not going to put up with that."

"So I noticed."

* * *

><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked on my favorite online dictionary.)<p>

assassino - assassin

Cattura il traditore. – Capture the traitor.

Ci si abitua ad esso. – You get used to it.

cortile – courtyard

Devi essere scherzando. – You must be joking.

fiorini - florins

idiota – idiot

Pardona me, - Pardon me,

Salvami da questo pazzo. – Save me from this madman.

Un migliaio di fiorini. – One thousand florins.


	7. Oneshot 7: Failure to Launch

Author's note: I've gone and done it again. If I write this one right it could easily be one of my favorites, but I didn't. I've been stuck on these recently, and I thought that last one would be the last, but it looks like I have a couple more left in me. I'm not really sure if that's a good thing or just plain sad. Anyway, thanks for coming along on this silly ride that probably all started with great pizza, a best friend, and too much Mountain Dew. And Ezio of course, but that's a given. I have been working on my original novel (a crime novel with a comedic aspect) and have semi lost my muse, so I'm not sure how many more there will be. Enjoy while it lasts.

* * *

><p>Failure to Launch<p>

Ezio watched as Leonardo, who was a little too excited about all this, bustled about putting the finishing touches on the flying machine. When he had first learned of it Ezio had been intrigued. The concept of a man flying was amazing. Unheard of. Totally crazy. It would have to be Leonardo who would come up with such a thing. It looked a little different than when he'd seen it on the way to Venezia, and even then it had been in the back of the carriage so it was a little hard to see.

"Is it ready?" Ezio asked, glancing back to Leonardo who was still at work.

Leonardo didn't even look at him. "Solo qualche aggiustamento di più. Siate pazienti." He said, waving him off. "You can't rush genio."

"I do all the time."

Leonardo paused, casting him a glance which Ezio met with amusement. Leonardo sighed, shaking his head before he went back to work. "I wouldn't call what you do all that genius." He made one final correction, before standing up and admiring his work. "Magnifico! Take a look."

Antonio stood up, and turned to the machine. "You're going to fly on that? What in the world is it made out of? Is that paper or canvas?"

"Does it really matter?" Leonardo asked, admiring his invention. "Well, it's all set for you Ezio. See how she flies." He came to the edge where Ezio was standing, and gave him a firm pat on the shoulder. Ezio didn't move for a moment, his eyes fixed over the edge.

"Antonio, be my guest. Go ahead." He said, pulling himself away from the edge.

Antonio looked taken aback, a little more than confused. "What are you talking about? I didn't volunteer. He's your friend. I don't trust his science and this aggeggio maledetto."

Ezio looked between the two, both of them expecting him to go. There was a moment of silence. "Well? Aren't you going to try it?" Leonardo asked with a hopeful expression on his face.

"Leonardo… I know that I said that I would, but…" he cast another nervous glance over his shoulder to the edge, and Leonardo sighed.

"You're not afraid of heights, are you?"

"When I said that I would test it, I was more thinking off of a smaller building. You know one only a few stories high. Not higher than a cathedral tower." Ezio explained.

"I wanted to make it realistic. You have to make it all the way over to the Palazzo Ducale, so I figured that we'd want somewhere high up. There's no use testing it at a different altitude than the one that you'll be using it. Besides, it's perfectly safe." Leonardo reaffirmed.

He nodded, switching his attention from Leonardo to the flying contraption. He could see Antonio's point. He walked over examining the wings. If one of them broke through, or ripped it would cut his flight line very short. "What are they made of?" he asked, repeating Antonio's question.

"My own special material. I knew that it had to be light, but strong and to be honest I was having a little bit of trouble finding something that would be durable enough, so in the end I came up with my own. You can feel it. It's quite secure." Leonardo's excitement hadn't faded.

Ezio checked the machine's wing, almost wishing that he could find something wrong with it. The wooden support boards that created the structure were thin but supple. They probably wouldn't break. And the joints had all been reinforced by metal. There was no reason not to try it. "I don't know…"

Leonardo shook his head, "My friend, I've seen you leap off structures this high without even flinching. What's the matter?"

Ezio inched his way back over to the edge and peeked over again. "Jumping isn't the issue. I could do that in a heartbeat. But this… I don't know. Forse è non solo per me."

"What happened to this so called madman? You're not going to just chicken out of this…" Antonio grinned, "this great opportunity, are you?" Antonio and Leonardo seemed to exchange a glance and Antonio crossed his arms getting a cocky grin. "You can't let him down. You said you would test it."

Leonardo took a moment, before he looked dejected and a little downhearted. "It's okay Ezio. I shouldn't have expected you too. After all, it's crazy, right?"

"Leonardo, you can't give up because of him." Antonio said, sending an accusing wave Ezio's way.

Leonardo looked down and shook his head. "No. Che cosa stavo pensando? I mean really... inventor? I should just stick to my paintings."

The leader of the thieves only seemed to smirk. "I guess that you should have. After all, it really isn't practical."

"I'm sorry, Ezio. I shouldn't have dragged you up here on this crazy mission. It's suicide really."

Ezio sighed, shaking his head and going over to the machine. "Questo aveva un lavoro migliore." He slipped under the wing taking his place in the center.

"Very good." Leonardo said cheerfully, coming over. "You want to have your hands on each side as far as they go. Just run off, and jump. It should carry you."

"I'm going to die." He whispered. He'd never been raised very religious, but he crossed himself for luck. Maybe the saints would have mercy on him.

Leonardo paused, a half laugh escaping. "It… was the other way. You did it wrong."

"Did I?"

"Now when you crash mind that you brace your neck." Antonio laughed, and then practically pushed him from the ledge.

* * *

><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked on my favorite online dictionary.)<p>

aggeggio maledetto – damn contraption

Che cosa stavo pensando? – What was I thinking?

Forse è non solo per me. – Maybe it's just not for me. (I did the best translation on this one that I could. But it was giving me a couple problems.)

genio - genius

Magnifico! – Magnificent!

Questo aveva un lavoro migliore. – This had better work.

Solo qualche aggiustamento di più. Siate pazienti. – Only a few more adjustments. Be patient.


	8. Oneshot 8: Bleeding Effect

Author's note: First story without an Italian glossary at the bottom… actually… now that I think about it... As promised this is the Desmond oneshot. I actually went back through and copied the conversation so that it would be accurate. It only goes to show that I have no life. Now it's not just Ezio's turn to act stupid. Enjoy.

* * *

><p>Bleeding Effect<p>

Side effects. Degradation of cognition, multiple awareness issues, along with others.

Not being able to tell one reality from another. He paused, remembering the ramblings that came with the coded messages that were downloaded thanks to the memory core. Not knowing the year. Referring to Queen Isabella as if she was current…. Desmond looked at Lucy when what they were talking about dawned on him. "Subject sixteen." It was almost an accusation, and her expression shifted.

"We have safeguards, Desmond. And they kept him in the Animus for way too long. Sometimes days at a time." Her voice softened. "We're being careful with you."

It was a lot to take in. He'd seen the fractured portions of Sixteen's shattered mind. But at the same time relying on their expertise was all that he could do. "I hope so," he muttered, and she offered up a faint smile.

"Anyway," she changed the subject, not that he could blame her. She'd been forced to help Vidic drive Sixteen out of his own mind. It was bound to be a little sore. "I was hoping that we could test out your skill retention. See if you've picked up some of Ezio's abilities."

Desmond had started out more introverted at the beginning of this whole crisis, but as he'd learned to synchronize with Altaïr and Ezio he'd found that he could be a lot more outgoing than expected, and part of him secretly hoped that she meant a different set of skills. He cast a quick glance at the other two bodies in the room. "I'm game," he quickly said, hoping that Rebecca and Shaun hadn't noticed.

"Great." Lucy smiled. "Meet me downstairs when you're ready." With that she turned and left, and he tried to push thoughts of what downstairs could entail from his head. Downstairs wasn't code for privacy where the others weren't.

Maybe he'd been in Ezio's head a little too long. Lucy meant training. Or some kind of sparring exercises. Wrestling… on the ground… covered in sweat…. He shook his head, remembering that Lucy had had a strictly professional stance when she had left, before following in the way that she had gone.

Lucy was patiently waiting on the lower level that looked a lot more like the warehouse this place was supposed to be, packed with boxes and crates stacked a mile high. "So… what's the plan?" he asked as he looked around. There were a few of the same control panels that were scattered across the room. Some red and some green.

"We're going to see what you've managed to retain. Come on." She typed a code into the keypad, and the giant chain link door separating them from the main part of the warehouse slid open. She walked in, her hips swaying with every step. "Abstergo is out there, looking for us. They're better funded and better equipped. So it's only a matter of time before they find this place. We need to be ready for them when they do. I want you to activate the warehouse's defense system. I'll let you figure out how to reach the sensors."

"Oh, come on." He gave her a wicked smirk. "Not even a little hint?"

"Open your eyes, Desmond." It wasn't the hint that he had been hoping for.

She seemed too serious for her own good, and he sighed. It was best to get to work if there were no other options. She seemed to know exactly which skill set she was interested in. Desmond looked around to the access pads that had been lit up in red. With a moment of hesitation he turned to the first box and climbed up. Seemed easy enough so far. Figuring that he may as well get the ones that were higher up first he ran at the next set of crates. Propelling himself to the ledge he grabbed on, huffing at the strain on his muscles.

It seemed the bleeding effect didn't account for muscle memory.

With a bit of a waver he managed to pull himself up before looking around for the first access pad to reactivate. There was one past a railing on the far side of the room. That would do. He backed up so that he had all the running space that the boxes offered before he took off, hurling himself from the edge. It worked for Ezio, right?

He caught a metal bar that was in the middle of the two crate piles before swinging himself in the direction of the second set of crates and throwing himself off. He landed on his feet, turning to face Lucy proudly. "So, how am I doing?" he asked, taking half a step forward.

Bad move.

The box shifted, and the edge splintered. It gave way under his feet before he lost his balance, tumbling down, and hitting the ground in a magnificent thud. The wind was knocked out of him, and he stared up at the sky, trying to catch his breath.

He could hear Lucy walking over. "Huh. Seems that you didn't retain that much, did you?" She sounded disappointed. And he had been doing so well too.

He gasped, shifting his ankle as a surge of pain rushed through him. "Figlio di una cagna!" he cursed, grabbing the sore ankle.

"Well, I guess you did manage to retain something."


	9. Oneshot 9: Some Training Required

Author's note: I'm back, people, and I've got about another five ideas. Lucky you, right? You already got one Desmond, which I think could easily be a new favorite. Anyway, I'm bored at work, so I think that I may as well get this started. I thought that this was funny scene that could happen, and I always did wonder how the soldiers just kept restocking themselves.

* * *

><p>Some Training Required<p>

Ezio sized the four of them up from where he was standing, surrounded by a group of thieves. There were two elite soldiers, which meant more experienced, along with one brute and one recruit who was on the farthest side. "Well?" Ezio asked La Volpe's men in a hushed whisper. "Che ne pensate?" Ezio slipped a coin from his purse, flicking it into the air, and one of the thieves caught it before looking over at the group for the first time.

"I'd say to go for the large one with armor first. Initiate it with a surprise attack. By the time he realizes what has happened egli sarà morto." Ezio nodded. It was a good plan. Get rid of the one that would cause the most problems first before dealing with the others. He started forward, and the thief caught his arm. "We could help if you'd like."

"It was enough help that you found the Codex page. Go back to Volpe, and let him know that I'm still missing a couple that could be here." The thieves nodded, and Ezio gave them a dismissing wave before he started forward again. He checked the trigger to his hidden blade as he walked over. The blade flicked out of its hiding place, and a satisfied smirk crossed his face. He was ready.

As a group of nobles walked by he slipped into their ranks, coming as close to the brute as possible before separating the group. The guard seemed to notice the unwanted attention, and stepped forward, coming to stop Ezio. "I don't think that you're life is worth what is in that room. Ora lasciare."

Ezio smirked. "It might be you determining it's not worth it, my friend." With that he swung his arm up and hit the trigger again, plunging the blade deep in between a crack in the armor. The closest elite rushed forward, drawing his sword, before swinging it in a hasty arch. He knew he had done something wrong when the assassin kept his calm.

The steel blade hit Ezio's vambrace, before he twisted his hand around, grabbing the soldier's fist and pulling his arm straight. Ezio's free hand struck the back of the man's elbow and the satisfying crack was accompanied by a yell of pain. It didn't last long as Ezio ripped the sword from his hand and in one swing drove it down between the man's neck and his shoulder blade. The elite collapse, and Ezio twisted around, readying the sword.

"It's a well crafted blade." Ezio said as he balanced it in his hand. "Who knew you useless soldiers could afford such fine steel."

The other elite sneered, drawing his own blade. "Ho atteso a lungo per questo, assassino."

Ezio's usual cocky smirk donned his face. "I hope it was worth the wait, but I'm not about to let someone like you beat me. Shall we?" The two lunged at each other, the metal clashing as the blades of the two swordsmen collided.

"Ruberto, I'm going to need your help fighting him if we're going to win this." The soldier paused, hearing no response. They both turned to look at Ruberto, who seemed to be staring at the fallen elite in horror. "Ruberto?"

"They never said that dealing with a bloodthirsty assassin was part of the job. Io sono fuori di qui." With that he dropped his sword and ran, pushing past the horrified crowd that had started to gather because of the ordeal.

Ezio's shoulders slumped, and he pulled back as he watched the soldier run. "Bloodthirsty? He just called me bloodthirsty. Did that really just happen? He's bringing shame to his entire legion."

The older, more experienced guard just sighed and shrugged. "They've been desperate to fill the ranks."

"There's a fine line between disperata e stupido it would seem. They don't train them like they used to. Three years ago one of you would never have run from me like that."

"Tell me about it. Only last week I saw one scream at the sight of a mouse." Ezio looked at him in vague disbelief and horror. "It's true."

The assassin was taken aback. "Why would you even accept such useless recruits? Surely the pay isn't good enough."

The elite just shook his head before pointing at Ezio. "Are you really surprised? Someone has made it hard to recruit anyone. Let alone someone truly worth anything."

He had a point and Ezio would admit to being to blame for that. "Sorry about that." He motioned in the directing of the fleeing soldier. "Posso?"

The guard considered what was left of Ruberto's silhouette as he darted away, before nodding. "Va bene." He lowered his weapon a moment, and Ezio pulled out a small throwing knife that his uncle had fashioned. It would be terrible to mar his wonderful reputation. With a flick of his wrist he threw it, and Ruberto collapsed. "Now, where were we?" Nothing else needed to be said before the two resumed combat.

* * *

><p>Glossary of Italian: (I still don't speak Italian, unfortunately. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked at an online translator.)<p>

Che ne pensate? – What do you think?

disperata e stupido – desperate and stupid

egli sarà morto – he will be dead

Ho atteso a lungo per questo, assassino. – I've waited a long time for this, assassin.

Io sono fuori di qui. – I'm out of here.

Ora lasciare – Now leave.

Posso? – May I? or Can I?

Va bene – Yes.


	10. Oneshot 10: The True Assassin's Creed

Author's note: Okay. Am I the only one that can't seem to wait for Assassin's Creed 3? I saw the official trailer the other day and I think that I might have squeed. Like a fangirl. It was bad. This is the second time I'm writing one of these things somewhere other than work. What's that saying about a change of scenery? I'm sure that you all remember Carlo from the "He Knows Me". That's right: I'm recycling extras. What of it?

* * *

><p>The True Assassin's Creed<p>

Bernardo Baroncelli had himself hauled up nice and tight in an alcove of San Gimignano. He'd done pretty well to ensure that no one was going to be able to get to him. Every entrance that could be taken to get into the square was littered with guards, and it could easily be said that the man had managed to construct the perfect sanctuary.

Or grave.

Ezio crouched down on one of the rooftops, the only area that hadn't been sufficiently guarded. He could easy see Bernardo walking about in a nervous rotation that was going to make sneaking up on him a little trickier than Ezio had anticipated. But he had a backup plan. He didn't need to sneak up to get this to work. Watching for a break in the guards' rotation he ran to the edge and leapt off, falling into the nearest haystack with ease. Bernardo was muttering to himself as he walked around the court, jumpy at any sudden movements. Once he wasn't fully paying attention Ezio slipped out, and took his place in the middle of a band of mercenario.

"Vi ha preso abbastanza a lungo, Assassino. We've been waiting for you. You don't know the trouble that my men went through to be able to get into this place. The soldiers made getting in here almost impossible. Bastardi. We practically had to smuggle our weapons in."

Ezio tried not to laugh at the other's displeasure as he explained. San Gimignano was in a flurry since his arrival and he felt a little sorry for the mercenaries that were going to have to stay behind after the chaos caused by hunting down the Pazzi conspirators subsided. At the same time it wasn't really something that he was going to stop any time soon.

Carlo, the head mercenary, continued glancing over his shoulder to the main part of the cortile. "There were twelve of my mercenaries that weren't even allowed in."

"I'm sorry about that, but there's nothing that I can really do. Soon the soldiers will have nothing left here to protect. Just leave it to me. I won't really need any of your assistance. I'll have this taken care of." Ezio ran his fingers over one of the throwing knives, before pulling it out.

"So what's the plan?" The leader asked, apparently not noticing the knife that Ezio had drawn. The assassin held it up in as if to show the obvious method that he was going to be taking. With a smirk he prepared to throw it, before Carlo grabbed him arm to stop him. "Wait. What are you doing?"

Ezio swatted at his hand, trying to pull away. "Che cosa intende dire? Are you crazy?" The commotion caught Bernardo Baroncelli's attention, and Ezio turned away so that he was out of view.

"What was that?" they could hear Bernardo ask. "Just another mercenary.

The two exchanged a knowing glance before Carlo took the throwing knife from him. "You can't use this for right now. It's like the Assassin's code. You have to be right there. Up close and personal. You have to be close enough to question him. We need to know where Jacopo is."

Ezio looked annoyed, before snatching the knife back. "He's surrounded by guards. How am I supposed to get down there to deal with the problem? It's impossible."

Carlo smirked before motioning to a well near the center of the cortile. "You just have to go to some place where no one will see you, and the opportunity will come."

As much as Ezio didn't want to admit it Carlo was right. They still needed to get information from one of the conspirators so that Ezio could find Jacopo, and after throwing Antonio Maffei from the tower Bernardo Baroncelli was his last chance to get information. "Have your men ready to deal with the soldiers." Ezio instructed. "Sto andando lì." The assassin pointed to the previously indicated well before waiting until Bernardo's back was turned.

He didn't have to wait long. One of the vendors caught the intended's attention, and Ezio nodded to the mercenario. "This is my chance." Leaving the group he jumped the ledge, landing in the courtyard below before taking the final sprint to his destination. Twisting in the air as he jumped, his hands caught the stone edge and he disappeared into the mouth of the well.

"No, no, no. Non mi interessa." He could hear Bernardo say, before waving the mercante away. As far as he could tell he hadn't been seen, and the plan was working out just the way that Carlo had envisioned. He pulled his head up just high enough to see the wary target, before he dropped out of sight once more.

If Bernardo didn't hurry he was going to be in trouble. He hadn't fully thought out how long he might be hanging in the well, and he was starting to feel a bit of a strain in his arms. While working on keeping his breathing steady his feet scraped on the side of the well, trying to find a suitable foothold that would take some of his weight. It took him a moment before one of his feet caught, and he was able to relax a little.

It wouldn't be long now. Bernardo was already beginning to loop back in the direction of his hiding place. He would only have to wait a few more moments before this would pay off.

"All they care about is coin. All anyone cares about is coin." He could hear the paranoid man reasoning to himself as he came to the edge of the well. Bernardo leaned forward a little before his mouth opened in disbelief as if what he was seeing before him was impossible. The Auditore was clinging to the wall, a smirk on his face. He started to pull back, the shock still evident in his eyes, but it was too late.

The assassin's hand shot forward, hitting the trigger to the hidden blade, and driving it into the intended victim right before he grabbed him by the belt. Ezio jerked the man in red forward, and Bernardo stumbled from the force, falling over the wall of the well. Ezio released him and watched as he dropped all the way until he collided with the water below.

By the time Ezio had pulled himself out of the well chaos had erupted in the square. The mercenario sprung into action, taking on four soldiers at a time, and the soldiers were more confused than anyone by the battle that had just erupted.

Ezio was just about to join in when Carlo came over and gave him a firm whack upside the head. "Che cosa ha pensato? È idiota."

Ezio rubbed his head. "What was that for? You were the one who said to use the well."

"You were supposed to question him. That was why you couldn't just use the throwing knife. Non posso credere a quello che avete fatto. You can't question a man at the bottom of a well. We'll never find Jacopo now."

Ezio paused, casting a guilty glance over the edge to where Bernardo's body could be seen in the dark water. "Il mio errore." He looked back at Carlo who crossed his arms. "That was the last one, wasn't it?"

* * *

><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked on an online translator.)<p>

Assassino – Assassin

Bastardi – Bastards.

Che cosa ha pensato? È idiota. – What were you thinking? You idiot.

Che cosa intende dire? – What do you mean?

cortile – courtyard

Il mio errore. – My mistake.

mercante – merchant

mercenari – mercenary

Non mi interessa. – I'm not interested.

Non posso credere a quello che avete fatto. – I can't believe what you have done.

Sto andando lì. – I'm going down there.

Vi ha preso abbastanza a lungo. – Took you long enough.


	11. Oneshot 11: Scream Away Then

Author Note: I lied. The stalking horse will have to come later. This is different. I'm actually quite serious about this. If you haven't done this at least once you're missing out, because the first time I saw this I laughed so hard. Try it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Don't forget to review.

* * *

><p>Scream Away Then<p>

Managing to get a pass to allow entrance into Venezia was going to be a problem, and waiting around would only make the trail grow colder. Almost any method would work. It wasn't something that he was going to fret terribly over. Leonardo looked more worried than he was.

"Mi dispiace, Ezio. If I had known I would have found a way to get you across." Leonardo offered, already knowing that it was an empty offer. "Perhaps after I've been there a while I can send you a pass, and then you can catch the next charter."

It wasn't a bad suggestion, but Ezio wasn't going to just wait around. "It's alright, Leonardo. I'll think of something." Kill the captain. Impersonate a different passenger. Something. "Don't trouble yourself over it. Just have them bring your luggage onboard. I'll go and…."

They both paused when they heard a woman begin shouting from across the water. "What's her problem?" Ezio asked, and Leonardo just shrugged.

Ezio strayed a little from the dock before he could see a woman that was stranded on an outcrop of rocks surrounded by water. "Don't just stand there. I need help." She yelled.

"Avete sentito la donna, Ezio."

A detour wouldn't hurt. After all, the ship didn't leave for a while and Ezio wasn't about to turn down a woman in distress. In perticolare, non una donna bella come la sua. He could imagine how scared she was. Once he saved her she would be in need of comfort, something he was more than willing to provide. Leaving Leonardo behind to deal with any of his luggage that wasn't yet onboard Ezio strode to the edge of the docks before leaping into the cool, dingy pond.

"Aiuto!"He could hear her scream as he swam through the water. If she couldn't swim he couldn't help but wonder how in the world she had managed to get up there to begin with. Had her boat drifted off? Pushing aside his wonderings he focused on navigating through the water to where she was still standing and yelling.

The cool water chilled him to the bone, and all the layers of fabric were fighting against him to pull him under. It made him worry a little about how well he could manage to get her back. Then again once he reached the outcropping of rock that she was stranded on he could probably find the easiest way back that would guarantee their safety.

Ezio could see her come into view as he rounded a smaller island. He swam to the edge before using his feet to push off, which gave him an extra burst of speed.

As he got closer he noticed her looking at him with a mixture of confusion and annoyance. Certainly not what he was expecting to see when he was there to help her. Ignoring the initial look he came over, stopping at the base of the island and leveling off.

She sighed and shook her head. "What the hell is this?" There was an underlying exasperation.

Ezio paused a little dumbfounded. He'd come all this way and that was what she had to say. "I'm… rescuing you." He explained, as if that much wasn't obvious. He was a good swimmer so it wasn't like she should have any doubts.

"Without a boat? What are you going to do? Carry me? Go get the boat!" The last part she practically yelled at him, and after staying idle for a moment he turned and started swimming back in the direction of the docks. He was starting to get a pretty good idea of why she had been left out there on the rocks. Whatever poor gondolier had been stuck with her had kicked her off, and Ezio didn't blame them.

There was a boat off to her left that he swam past before he reached the docks and pulled himself out. His clothes were drenched, and the slight wind only seemed to chill him further. With a grumble he walked over to where the painter stood waiting. Leonardo looked a little more entertained than Ezio justified in this situation. "I thought that you were going to go help her." Leonardo mused.

"Zitto. Saving her is hardly worth it. It's not like it would solve our current problem."

Leonardo shook his head with a laugh. It was clear that Ezio didn't know who the woman was, and what kind of influence she had here. "Così, che cosa vi suggerisce? You have to get to Venezia somehow."

"I know. I'll just hide in the box with your flying contraption." Ezio started towards the area where Leonardo's luggage was still being transferred from the wagon to the ship. "No one will think to look for me there."

Faintly over the water he could still hear the woman yelling for help.

"Let her find her own way."

* * *

><p>Glossary of Italian: (I don't speak Italian. All translation was checked, double check, and rechecked on an online translator.)<p>

Aiuto! – Help!

Avete sentito la donna, Ezio. – You heard the woman, Ezio.

Così, che cosa vi suggerisce? – So, what do you suggest?

In perticolare, non una donna bella come la sua. – In particular, not a beautiful woman like her.

Mi dispiace, Ezio. – I'm sorry, Ezio

Zitto. – Be quiet.


End file.
